Forget the milk and cookies. Santa is telling you what he really wants.
Frenetically rushing around the world in one night was probably one sign. His top deer having a bright red nose was another. But chronically tapping his nose with his finger was the obvious danger signal that Saint Nick wasn’t making toys around the clock on coffee. His elves and Mrs. Claus performed an intervention last summer and Santa wasn’t too jolly about it.
North Pole spokesperson, Candy Cane, denied the rumors of Mr. Christmas’s drug use.
“That’s how he gets up chimneys for Chrissakes!” she said. Then Ms. Cane quoted from the classic Christmas poem, ‘Twas the Night Before Christmas’ to make her point. She read:
“And laying his finger aside of his nose, And giving a nod, up the chimney he rose.”
“Jesus!” she exclaimed, “I hope you’re not going to tell this shit to the kids!”
In rehab Santa was mistaken for former Toronto Mayor Rob Ford.
Finally! After nearly a half-century, Obama has decided it’s time to “normalize” a relationship with Cuba. There are some old-fart, cold war diehards who are grumbling but few people are listening to them. The whiners are conservatives – mostly Republican – and a few Florida politicians who can still milk a few wrinkled votes by waving the flag and shouting out the evils of communism.
Communism is now more irrelevant than evil and we have stand-out examples in Russia and China. Our economic embargo against Cuba never worked but, of course, America is very slow to admit failure (think of the Drug War, the War on Poverty, the war in Iraq, etc.)
Cuba has been a human rights whipping-boy because it’s of absolutely no use to the US government and it can’t fight back. Places like China, most of Africa, and many countries in the Mideast are far worse enemies of freedom but we need them for economic and political reasons. Today we don’t even need Cuba for cigars.
What the US really needs is to stop pretending to be the freedom police of the world and focus on our own problems.