25 Messages From Your Bartender

December 21st, 2014

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1. DON’T fail to have your money ready.
We’re waiting on you. Everyone else is waiting on us. Therefore, by the Transitive Property of Equality, everyone is waiting on you.

2. DON’t whistle. Just don’t.
You whistle at dogs, not people.

More:  http://news.distractify.com/culture/message-from-a-bartender/

Thank you, http://news.distractify.com/

Don’t Jump, Colleen!

December 21st, 2014

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The Interview (2015) Trailer

December 21st, 2014

Fuck You, Haircut Boy

“You Got A Problem With My Shoes, Buddy?”

December 20th, 2014

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This Really Works!

December 20th, 2014

The easiest ways to wrap gifts:  https://www.google.com/

No Time For Hair During The Holidays?

December 19th, 2014

WwRag

Holiday hairstyles:  https://www.google.com/

Does Santa Have A Cocaine Problem?

December 19th, 2014
Forget the milk and cookies. Santa is telling you what he really wants.

Forget the milk and cookies. Santa is telling you what he really wants.

Frenetically rushing around the world in one night was probably one sign. His top deer having a bright red nose was another.  But chronically tapping his nose with his finger was the obvious danger signal that Saint Nick wasn’t making toys around the clock on coffee.  His elves and Mrs. Claus performed an intervention last summer and Santa wasn’t too jolly about it.

North Pole spokesperson, Candy Cane, denied the rumors of Mr. Christmas’s drug use.

“That’s how he gets up chimneys for Chrissakes!” she said.  Then Ms. Cane quoted from the classic Christmas poem, ‘Twas the Night Before Christmas’ to make her point.  She read:

“And laying his finger aside of his nose,
And giving a nod, up the chimney he rose.”

“Jesus!” she exclaimed, “I hope you’re not going to tell this shit to the kids!”

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In rehab Santa was mistaken for former Toronto Mayor Rob Ford.

Whatever happened to Rob Ford?  https://www.google.com/

Cuban Reality

December 18th, 2014

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Finally! After nearly a half-century, Obama has decided it’s time to “normalize” a relationship with Cuba. There are some old-fart, cold war diehards who are grumbling but few people are listening to them.  The whiners are conservatives – mostly Republican – and a few Florida politicians who can still milk a few wrinkled votes by waving the flag and shouting out the evils of communism.

Communism is now more irrelevant than evil and we have stand-out examples in Russia and China.  Our economic embargo against Cuba never worked but, of course, America is very slow to admit failure (think of the Drug War, the War on Poverty, the war in Iraq, etc.)

Cuba has been a human rights whipping-boy because it’s of absolutely no use to the US government and it can’t fight back. Places like China, most of Africa, and many countries in the Mideast are far worse enemies of freedom but we need them for economic and political reasons. Today we don’t even need Cuba for cigars.

What the US really needs is to stop pretending to be the freedom police of the world and focus on our own problems.

CUBA – Foreign Policy Litmus Test:  www.presentationsunplugged.com/  

Celebrating Disappointment

December 18th, 2014

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Here are some tips to have a sad, disappointing Christmas this year:

• Keep reminding yourself that Christmas isn’t as good as it used to be.

• Compare your reality to those dancing sugarplum fairies on Currier & Ives prints.

• Remember that everyone but you has forgotten “the true meaning of Christmas.”  Continually announce this to every person you meet.

• Worry about if you should say ‘Merry Christmas’ or ‘Happy Holidays’ to people.

• Snivel “I’m just not in the Christmas spirit!” to everyone.

• Instead of writing or creating something really loving and caring for someone, buy things for too much money and get really nostalgic next summer when you’re still paying for the damn crap.

• Try to do everything in the same traditional way and rap your kid on the head if he doesn’t go ga-ga over your grandmother’s recipe for molasses’s cookies.

• DEMAND there be snow on the ground for Christmas Day – it’s your Constitutional right.

• Pressure yourself to make sure that every single one of the 10,000 holiday details is absolutely perfect.

• Measure your worth as an individual  by how well you “do” Christmas.

Christmas stress:  https://www.google.com/

The Elephant Man (1980) Trailer

December 18th, 2014

Having A Bad Hair Day?  www.presentationsunplugged.com