Ah Thanksgiving – the Great American Pig-Out. A holiday devoted to unabashed gluttony. Which is kind of funny in America.
Why a nation founded by religious zealots would choose one of the SEVEN DEADLY SINS as a way to celebrate is a little strange. Also, turkeys are a meat entree no one would choose if the menu included steaks, chops, and shrimp. Tradition always demands unthinking, repetitive rituals which prohibit creativity and originality.
So I came up with an idea to make us appear less mindlessly traditional and hypocritical.
For a national holiday, maybe we could change it up a bit featuring a different deadly sin every year. I went through the list of the others – greed, sloth, wrath, lust, envy, and pride – and I have a personal favorite for next year’s star sin: lust.
Lust has kind of a bad reputation in America but that’s why it needs a national holiday. How would we celebrate it? The possibilities are endless but I haven’t worked out all the details yet.
Next year on Thanksgiving would you rather be hungry – or horny? Wait! This is America – let’s celebrate both!
Alternative Thanksgiving Dinners: https://www.google.com/
I have another colonoscopy tomorrow. I had serious Stage III Colon Cancer in 1999 and have to get one every three years. At Stage IV, you don’t buy green banana’s – so it’s good to be checked regularly after 50.
You can even watch your own colonoscopy on video while it’s happening but it’s pretty boring. That’s why I asked the Doctor if I could watch Katie’s colon instead? Without a word he signaled the nurse for more medication and I woke up in the recovery room.
Here are some other things you should NOT say during your colonoscopy:
1. ‘Take it easy, Doc. You’re boldly going where no man has gone before!’
2. ‘Can you hear me NOW?’
3. ‘Are we there yet? Are we there yet? Are we there yet?’
4 ‘Any sign of the trapped miners, Chief?’
5. ‘Next time, can I play the ventriloquist?’
And my favorite:
‘Do ya think you could you write a note telling everyone my head’s not up there?’
Colonoscopies aren’t fun (for most people) but they’re MUCH better than colon cancer. Trust me.
Colon cancer: https://www.google.com/
The player clearly tossed the ball to the woman. When the bully roughly grabbed it from her, the crowd started booing. What happened next? https://www.google.com/?
See the pretty ticket above? It costs a dollar. And $500.00 a week for Life is a pretty good prize, right? So here come the official NYS odds for this dream. We’ll start on the smaller prizes first – get ready to WIN!
The odds against winning $1 are 8.77 to 1. For you non-bettors, that means on average, you’d have to buy about NINE tickets to scratch off a dollar winner. But, as the brighter ones in the group have already figured out, you don’t really “win” a dollar because that’s how much you paid for the ticket. So, OK – to win a dollar, you’ve really got to win $2 on the ticket. Odds against a two dollar ticket? About 47 to 1. WHAT? That’s right, Skippy; to actually win a dollar, on average, you’d have to scratch off 47-tickets.
It gets better, right? Right, this is New York State. To win $10, you’ll have to scratch 200 tickets. $100? Get ready to buy 50- thousand, 400-tickets. That’s a lot of buying and scratching for a hundred bucks. And the Grand Prize? $500 a week for Life? Get your coin out and start scratching. Better make it a few coins, you’ll need to scratch 7,938,000 tickets.
Don’t tell anyone though. It kind of ruins the game if you know it would take almost three entire lifetimes of around-the-clock scratching to win $500 a week for the rest of your life. Plus, about $8-million dollars in tickets.
Can you improve your odds? https://www.google.com/